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Mary Walker

Are you really listening?
June 27, 2007

Nature has given men one tongue, but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak…
--Epictetus

If you are married, how many times have you said, “Are you listening?” If you have children, you can probably double or triple the times.

How many times have you asked a question and you can’t remember the answer? We were not listening. There are all kinds of self help books on listening, however until you recognize that you are not a good listener and not paying attention to the words, you will not change.

Jeff Cochran with Shapiro Negotiations wrote an article “Listening, The Forgotten Skill.”

His research showed that the Wall Street Journal reported that most people speak at a rate of 120-150 words per minute. While that may sound fast, the human brain can process more than 500 words per minute. One of my suppliers use to tell me he could say a five minute prayer by the time I said my hello. I have had suppliers, not in Texas, that I would have to tell them to slow down, I could not understand them.

We are told we have extra capacity, so we try to utilize it by multitasking. We talk on the phone while driving and eat while we work. It is not uncommon to see women putting make up on while driving to work. Don’t forget the men; you see many of them shaving as they head for work. 

Shapiro Negotiation Institute’s solution to more effective listing is the Three Cs: Connect, Consider, Confirm.

Connect – Use the person’s name, stand up, take notes whatever works for you. Just remember to Connect in some way.
 

Consider – Consider your response. It sends a message that what the other side had to say merits your careful reflection.           

Confirm – Confirmation is critical and needs to be done Before, During and After a conversation. 

If you are interested in improving your skill of listening, look at their website www.shapironegotiations.com for Jeff’s article. Once you are aware that you are not a good listener, you can start improving your skill daily. Listen to what people are saying.

Posted by Mary Walker on June 27, 2007 | Comments (0)